My Say on The New Moon

When I went gallivanting with some of my buds yesterday, Something peculiar happened. Instead of swapping stories on their favorite EPL match, they kept talking about this movie from the Twilight Saga, New Moon. Okay, so I thought that I was imagining things but alas.  I was totally dumbfounded. Being me a superficially self appointed Trekkie, movies that relates with vampires and werewolves were not my cup of tea. I mean, I've seen American Werewolves in Paris movie and was lame, too pornographic and so tad boring. So what is this fuss about New Moon? So, I decided that I should go around doing some readings on viewers review of this movie. To start off, I went to read Aj Sangkalang's review and my ol' chum said, It's boring!! That does not explain all the ruckus swirling around this movie.. I went all Sherlock Holmes sniffing in and smoking out the facts, stats and everything that concerns this New Moon.Since cinemas are so no-way-to-be-found in Keningau, I opted for the most tiring task of downloading the movie via ThePirateBay . Once that is done and over with, I grabbed my chips, a bottle of coke and logged myself as a self-proclaimed, locally brewed movie critic. 2 Hours 1 Minutes and 12 Seconds later (and New Moon suddenly ends without the EC), and here is what I think ~

1. New Moon is for mushy guys and romantically stricken girls who likes sudden dramatic spikes and read-between-the-lines conversation.

2. It's definitely for Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson die hard fans and wannabes.

3. I would say kudos to the Cullens for keeping their promise to keep the Vampo-Lycean Treaty alive a.k.a truce between the Cullens and the Werewolves.

4. The story line develops quite slow, with less drama, more talk, less action, more confused Bella, a more daring Jacob, more Edward in apparition than in real life, and Alice being a naive but oh so sweet vampire. The climax of the story for me was when Jacob finally revealed his true fluffy self to pale boy Edward (I would really like to see them fight) but that intensity suddenly flops to a mere Jacob exiting the scene and Edward proposing to freaking lame.

5. I think the best aspect of this movie is the showing of Jacob and his pack of well built friends morphed into big, fluffy and rabid wolves.

6. Victoria's presence is not only cameo-ish, it really disrupts the story. You know if I'm to co-direct this, I'll add a twist something like this one; Victoria got to Bella, throws her around and as Bella is critically injured and bleeding profusely and Victoria is within seconds of killing her, Jacob and Co. came to the rescue and hunts down the red haired vamp in distress. But you might as well say " that's for the next sequel Eclipse' so don't bother.

7. Jacob should've clawed or bitten Bella so that she has the werewolf factor in her. Then, she would really beg on Edward not to dump her because she smells like a wet dog. And if Bella and Edward eventually lives happily ever after, their daughter should have the vampire-werewolves-human hybrid genes lurking in her thus making her a super two way vampire-werewolf morph swapping chick.

8. This is one movie where you could see vampires walking in broad daylight and werewolves don't need full moon to morph. Count Dracula would be so jealous and so would be the other old school werewolves haha.

9. But again, if so I happen to be the director, I'll just transport Picard and his Away Team to wipe off the Vampires with Tetryon Grenades or Photon Burst or Standard Issued Federation Phaser Rifle or a Phaser. Or simply coerce the Borgs to assimilate the Cullens for all that is worth hahahaha..

Yes, I know it's a rabidly sickening twist of story. Maybe that's why I was never fated to have any opportunities in directing any of my school drama years ago because if so, J.J Abrams and Steven Spielberg may as well hire me hahahahaha...I'm so Jejaka Perasan right now. Nuff Said.

The Cullens vs The Wolves 
Overall Rating: 4/5


Amanda Christine Wong said...

and yet u gave a 4/5 rating :P

Master Mervyn said...

An overall 4/5 despite it being a subtly slow,jumpy melancholic movie and oh! yes with hope that I would not be impaled by twilighters out there.

Aj said...

yeahhh its too lame...better read a book than watch it on film...

Master Mervyn said...

Well, the entire household have watched the movie and well, they said it wasn't that bad at all, given that the action was actually kept for the next sequel Eclipse which is due next June.