Am I proud of my achievement this year? Hardly…
This year has been one most happening year in my life. I’ve been here and there, done this and that, and still, arguably, this is not the pinnacle I’ve always anticipated..
Why?
Because the moments in my life breezes in and out of my thoughts and I was left empty. I do recall many sweet and fond memories of the happenings in my life this year ~ but none sticks into my head. It’s like having your memory card flashed out, and at the end, you’re down with only blurry memories of where and when the moment happened. I kept checking on what is wrong. Maybe there’s some medical explanation to this, so I thought, but then, someone told me to really search inside my soul. Left no stones unturned, face your deepest guilt and your weaknesses, she said.
She’s true.
I am virtually a guy who had fallen from grace. Here I am prostrating on my blooming career, making three steps instead of crawling in the ladder of success. I smiled and smiled and smiled for all those praises I’ve received. Yes, professionally I am successful.
Spiritually ~ I am a dud.
I always forgot that there’s a powerful force driving me through all of that. There’s reasons to understand that what have had happened entirely in my life was not spontaneous but has been fated to me. There’s give ~ and take ~ with strings attached. But I failed, most of the time, to show how grateful I am to God for all that have had happened in this puny life of mine.
So here I am ~ with a smile and with an unhappy heart.
I never wanted to be ‘casted out’ from God’s Grace. Never. I never wanted to be alone, in times of trials and tribulations, in moments of happiness and joy. But it’s a mistake I’ve done too many times this year…
I’ve forgotten Him one too many times…
God, don’t leave me.. I need you…
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